My new religion

You ever wanted to start your own religion? I know I have. Think of the benefits. You get a bunch of people willing to give you money for saying they're going to be OK when they die, you don't have to pay taxes, and you get to make up a whole bunch of bullhonkey and have people seriously believe it. Even fight over it.
But think of all the downsides. Chances are, unless you already have a whole load of money, your 'religion' will just be called a cult. No one wants to be a cult leader. They never get taken seriously. Also, it's very likely you'll have people start fighting you because they think their religion is better. It could even happen within your very camp. And then people will hate you.
So a much better idea than starting your own religion, is to join a pre-existing religion as a denomination. You know Roman Catholicism is an offshoot of Christianity? Well something like that. You don't get to be the head of the actual religion, but you do get all the perks.
So from now on, my religion is Unorthodox Judaism. It's like Orthodox Judaism, but not. See, we don't go to the synagogue, we don't pray that often, Bat Mitzvah's are optional and no one makes a big deal out of your circumstition. You also get to wear those cool hats. Not the skull caps, I'm talking those wide-brimmed hats. They're cool. Oh, and of course you have full access to the Hebrew language. It's like Latin in that it sounds impressive and no one will understand you, but it's also pretty fun!
So from this day forth, you may call me Rabbi Hayes, of the Lancaster chapter of Unorthodox Judaism. Mozeltov!